Monster
by monicawoe
Summary: the prompt was: Lucifer showed Sam the truth: they'd all been demons. His teacher. His prom date. His brother. Dean doesn't know yet that Sam knows.  set in season 4: how eps 4x21 and 4x22 might have turned out if things had gone a little differently


When Sam wakes up again, he's cuffed to the panic room cot. He looks up and sees Dean watching him.

"We had to. The demon blood was flinging you all over the room. Tell me something, Sam. Why did you do this to yourself?" Dean asks.

Sam answers, "You know why."

"Right." Dean says, "'Kill Lilith'. The big excuse. But why? What, revenge? Right?"

"Of course."

"Revenge for what? For sending me to hell?" Dean asks, "Did you happen to notice I'm back? Alive and kicking. So what's the point?"

"Point? How about 'stop the damn apocalypse'?"

Dean scoffs, "Really? You're sure that's what you're doing?"

Sam is so taken aback by the question, he's not sure how to answer it.

Dean continues, "I know why you really drink that blood, Sam."

Sam doesn't want to hear this. "Just leave me alone."

"Makes you feel strong. Invincible. A big bad wolf in a world of little pigs." Dean says, circling the cot.

"No. You're wrong, Dean." _That's it exactly. Part of it anyway..._

"It's more than that, isn't it? It's because your whole life, you felt different. Am I right?" Dean asks.

"Stop." Sam says, and Dean does. Dean stops right next to Sam's head, and leans in closer.

"Oh, I hit a little close to home, huh? Not different because you were some lonely kid or because of your weirdo family."

"Stop it." Sam pleads again.

"Because you're a monster." Dean continues.

"Shut up! Just‚ shut. The hell. Up." Sam yells . He can't hear any more of this, he can't. Not with Dean this close. Not with that smell, just under the surface.

"You were always a monster. And you only feel right when you're sucking down more poison and more evil." Dean growls, "Monster, Sam. You're a monster."

"Dean, no." Sam begs one last time. Then he hears four soft, consecutive clicks and looks down in confusion at his wrists and ankles. His cuffs are open.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean snaps. He runs to the panic room door and tries to push it open, but it won't budge. Dean pulls his hand away and hisses.

Sam doesn't understand what happened, not exactly, but it doesn't matter anymore. Dean's hand is bleeding. All Sam smells, all he tastes, all he can think of is the awful, intoxicating smell of sulfur and blood. Sam doesn't remember moving, he doesn't even remember opening his mouth and biting down on Dean's neck, but here he is. He's drinking it all in and the painful fire in his brain is finally dying. His body finally, finally stops tearing itself apart and he feels like he can breathe again.

Somewhere far away he hears Dean screaming. "Sam, stop!"

Later, much later, the flow of blood slows. Sam takes in every last drop he can and lets go.

Dean slumps to the floor, unmoving.

There is a grating noise as the lock slides, and then the door itself swings open.

Sam looks down at Dean. He wipes at the blood around his mouth with the back of his hand. Then he turns, leaves the room, and heads up the stairs quietly. He passes Bobby asleep on his couch, and heads out of the house to find Ruby.

Ruby comes to Sam a few hours later. She's smirking when he first opens the door, but her expression changes quickly when she sees his eyes.

"Sam...what happened?" she asks, as Sam closes the door behind them.

Sam doesn't answer. He kneels down by her feet and pulls the dagger out of her boot. He stands up again and looks at her, his eyes solid black.

Ruby takes a step back and says, "It's okay Sam, you can have as much as you want, you know that."

Sam scoffs as he remembers the last few weeks- the meager, dwindling supply of blood she'd left him with. It had taken all of his willpower to not go after another source- especially the one that shared a room with him night after night. Of course it doesn't matter anymore now. Nothing matters anymore. He's a monster, he always has been. He steps closer to Ruby.

Ruby runs her fingers through Sam's hair and says, "I'm so sorry, that things have gotten this bad between you two."

Sam grabs Ruby, throws her onto the bed and slices into her wrist. He drinks hungrily and he doesn't stop until he's taken everything.

Downstairs in the panic room Castiel finds Dean unconscious. He nudges him gently with his foot.

Dean blinks and stares up at the angel.

"You've done well, Dean." Castiel says, helping him up. "It's almost time."

Sam walks towards the convent slowly, like he has all the time in the world. His veins are filled with so much power that he feels like his footsteps should be singeing the ground. Inside the convent, Lilith waits for him. She has twelve demons with her. Sam smiles and uses the tiniest bit of power to kill all twelve at once. He does it with a thought, before he even sees them - they never sense him coming. As he rounds the corner and walks down the long hall, Lilith sees him and smiles.

"Sam." Lilith says, "You're right on time."

Dean, Ruby and Castiel arrive just in time to see Sam let go of Lilith. Her neck is mangled, and her white dress is covered in dark, red stains. Sam steps away from Lilith, and watches in curiosity as blood _there shouldn't be any left, how can there be?_ spills out of Lilith's mouth. It forms a circle on the floor by the altar.

"You did it." Ruby says, and her voice is filled with awe.

"He's coming." Dean says. Castiel kneels beside him.

The circle closes and the convent is filled with a terrible light. It tears out and up through the ceiling and Sam falls to his knees in understanding.


End file.
